Just like the mother, the father is equally a very important source of stability for the child. If the mother confers emotional stability the father grants physical stability. In my last post I wrote about negligent mothers, in this I write about indifferent fathers.
In a horoscope, the 9th house determines the parental figures, the fathers brothers, the grandfathers, the males in the fathers family, the ancestors as a group. But the actual physical father is defined by the 10th house. There are differing opinions on this distinction but this is what I have actually seen in my practice. Also it is logical as the 4th house is the mother’s and the house opposite that the 10th is the father’s.
In addition to the 10th house lord, planets placed in the the 10th house, the Sun is the natural pitrukaraka, significator of the father. As the moon/mother provides up with emotional stability the sun/father provides us with a physical stability, place in the society, and is linked with our ego.
Fathers are meant to be strict and to discipline. Most fathers do it and with pride in their children. They work hard so as to provide for the child and do love in there own rather distant way. Being a father is an enormous responsibility and most of us do it willingly as we are caring for our own blood, our genetic link to the next generation.
But there are fathers who really dont care and may even be abusive to their children. One of my clients is such an example. His birth horoscope is quite good to look at. Sun in Aries in the 10th house with the lord of the 10th, Mars in the Ascendent Cancer (Sun in Aries is exalted, highest energy state and Mars in Cancer is debilitated, lowest energy state). The father is immensely rich with several businesses, a big house and even takes time to look after the son, buy him the necessities of life. But has never given the son money, never even as a gift. Offers money often but never gives. Likes keeping the sons dependent on his largesse like a cat and mouse game. In the Indian context his behaviour is out of character as Indian parents generally fulfil the children’s demands of laptops and clothes and shoes and stuff. There is no concept of children working during the holidays or in part time jobs like in the western countries. But I was curious as the basic horoscope did show an exalted Sun to offset the debilitated Mars. So I checked the 9th divisional chart/Navamsha. The Navamsha chart is a one step deeper into your birth horoscope and can be used to map out the inner energies of the grahas. In this Navamsha chart, the exalted Sun of Aries actually shifted to Libra thus was debilitated. Thus this father was superficially good but had a negative core of energy and liked hurting his son on the psychological (Mars in Cancer) level.
The 6th house is the house of debts, disease, arguments, enemies and so if the pitrukaraka (determinant of the father), the 10th house lord or the Sun is placed here in the birth horoscope, you can work out which way this relationship is going to go.
The 8th house is the house of death, benefits from other’s death, medical operations, accidents, secrets and routes. If the pitrukarak grahas are located here the child may be denied a fathers love either by death or absence of the father. The reason for the absence may be anything, the father may actually be working double shifts to support the family so not available to the child. He may love his child but the child can never experience it because there is no opportunity, no time. So from the perception of the child the father never loved him.
The 12th house is the house of the unknowns, of losses, of the subconscious and the unconscious. Somethings which we never know in our waking state. If the pitrukaraka end up in this house again the “father experience” is something the child will never know in his conscious life, though in his dreams in his subconscious states he may receive guidance from paternal figures.
It is very traumatising for young children to cope with neglect and abuse from the father, affecting his very personality, his courage and confidence and the way he handles people and situations. One wishes for fatherly love but time cannot come back. And even when one grows up, still there in a tiny corner of the heart where lies a neglected child. And you can never tell this out aloud as no one would understand and may even say that you are ungrateful thus deepening the initial hurt.
But you can heal yourself. If you ever feel in your inner most heart that you have never received your fathers love, do this one thing, write out a list of all the things you imagine a fathers love would mean. Maybe eating an icecream together? Maybe your dad teaching you to ride a bicycle? Dad helping you with your homework? Cuddling you as you go to sleep? Maybe just hugging you hard and saying “I love you my precious child!”. Keep this list and then when you become a father yourself do this all as a father with your child. And when you see your young child laugh, laugh with him both as a father and that long-ago child that was you.
Or is you have been initiated to Reiki, you can this sequence of hon sha zhe so nen, dai ko mu, cho ku re, sei hei ki, hon sha zhe sho nen to heal your heart of the past trauma. Do it regularly for 21 days for at least 5 minutes everyday to feel the difference.
Doing these healings may or may not repair your relationship with your own father, the source of your childhood hurt. But it will definitely free you from the excess baggage and allow you to be more hopeful and enjoy your relationship with your own child.
Your challenge for this life is, you were never shown an example of what a loving father is like, but you have to learn from your experience, to learn from the negative example, to ace your personal test.
To accept and learn from your experiences is the whole purpose of this life. That and ensuring that the hurts you received from others are never handed out by your own heart to others.