Abusive parents, an astrological analysis

Abuse can be physical like beating the child or violence against his person. Or psychological, neglecting the child, I have written about negligent mothers and fathers earlier. (In really unfortunate cases it can be sexual torture and in extreme cases it can be murder of the child.) In your practice you will get cases of physical or psychological abuse of children. Mostly it will be adults who have gone through this situation in their childhood. So you will be required to counsel and help them heal their inner child self.

All this is how you analyse the child’s horoscope for problems to him caused by his parents. You might rarely get them as child clients or more likely as adult clients with deep-seated issues from childhood. This is a more of a guideline post as there are several combinations which indicate abusive parents. I am writing on the main houses involved and how you can go about deciphering it.

Karma from the ancestors

By now you know that the mother figures in life are seen in patterns connected to the,

The 4th house, planets placed in it, planets aspecting it and its owner planet. This will give the physical situation of the residence and the security it offers. Was the child living in a secure environment, was he physically cared for, did he receive nurture, nutrition, basic schooling etc.

Eg I know a horoscope with a Sun, combust Saturn and combust Venus in the 4th house, Sagittarius. As a child, he lived in a very large house, wealthy joint family. Grandfather and father argued all the time. Everyone in this house were very self-oriented as far as relationships go, ego-centered arguments around him. He got limited expressions of love as a child. As an adult he has to run the family business and take up all the responsibilities of this joint family, has no time for self-love or creative self-expression.

The Moon and the Cancer sign wherever these may be placed. This will give the psychological component. The mind and emotions, their scope. Also how did the mother behave with the child. What was the mother’s nature? Did the child feel comforted by her presence or did she put pressure on him. Also check out the 4th house from the Moon, the house of the house, this will give valuable pointers on what makes this person emotionally comfortable.

Eg. Libra ascendant, Moon in 6th house, Cancer in 10th house. Child was denied independence by the mother, she was emotionally insecure herself. She was a very well-known professional, overworked in her profession and social commitments. Now he is also a lawyer and suffers emotionally because of his profession, is overworked. He needed to be made aware of his mother’s effect on him. Once he understood, he took measures to change his mindset and behaviour consciously.

Mother devils, astrologically possible?

Now the actual father is seen from the 10th house and its power to give results. The planets placed in the 10th house, aspecting the 10th house and the 10th house owner are to be seen for more details. Look for Saturn and the Capricorn sign wherever they may be placed in the chart for subtle cues on what was his father’s socio-economic profile. Was he able to teach the child a good profession and did the child benefit socially, economically by his father’s guidance. Was the father strict enough but fair so as to give the child a solid foundation for his practical life? Look for the sign and planets placed 10th from the birth Moon for the emotional expectations and his emotional response that the person would have had from his father.

In earlier times, even till a couple of generations ago, the father was also required to give a philosophical background to the child. Teach him about outward religion, rituals etc. But in these modern times, the fathers generally do not do this. But still, do examine the placement of the Sun for subtle cues on the self-confidence, healthy self-ego and positive actions of the father which would have also been transferred to the child.

The spiritual father/ Guru, the blessings from the ancestral spirits and the father figures in family/ society are seen from the 9th house. Adopted or foster parents should ideally be seen from the 9th house. Also check the placement of Jupiter and Sagittarius sign for more cues if you are looking for information on adopted/ foster parents. Look for the sign/ planets placed 9th from the birth Moon to know their emotional impact on the person. By ‘adopted/ foster parents’, I mean children, till 14yrs of age, if raised by father/ mother figures other than birth parents. Eg in joint families you see that the parents go to work and the child is exclusively raised by the grandparents. This is not legal adoption but the horoscope will show the combinations. And why 14yrs? It is 2 complete cycles of his chakra development, the age of 0-7 is most sensitive, 7-14 is comparatively less sensitive. After 14yrs it is not technically a child, but a young adult, and he has developed some abilities to resist influences from the parents/ elders.

Plan your baby's horoscope

Now you know which houses/signs and planets to focus on in the chart for mothers, fathers and adopted parents.

Now check if any of these houses signs and planets are under stress, ie if they are

  • Debilitated – the environment provided by the sign is completely unsuitable for the planet
  • Combust – too close proximity to the Sun has evaporated the planet!
  • Retrograde – Atypical results as the apparent movement of the planet is opposite to its natural direction
  • Death zone – Planets placed in the maran-karak sthan. The energy of the house is extremely uncomfortable to the planet. He wishes he could die than work from this house.
  • Any connection to the 6th house, 8th house or 12th house, the dushamsthan houses. If any of these planets above are placed into the dusham houses. Or if the owner of a dushamsthan aspects or occupies the 4th house. eg Moon in the 8th house is, in my opinion, the most challenging placement for the Moon. In one chart, the client’s mother died when he was 6 months old.
  • Aspected or conjunct malefics. Analysing malefics can be difficult. Functional malefics will give more inauspicious results than natural malefics who have become functional benefics for the specific chart. Eg Libra ascendant, Jupiter is a natural benefic but functional malefic. And Saturn is a natural malefic but a Yogkarak the biggest functional benefic for Libra ascendant. So do evaluate the malefic and benefic nature of the planets for the individual horoscope first. If the effect of malefics is more than the benefics. This gets better with practice so do try to learn astrology systematically.
  • The 3rd house – pay especial attention to this house. If an important planet connected to the parent, gets entangled in the darker side of the 3rd house, it can lead to extreme trauma to the child. This is the house of options. One thinks about several ways to act, this house gives the analytical reasoning to create options here. Also the intelligence to choose one of these. Then gives the personal courage to act on the chosen option. A parent might have negative potential, might think of abuse, but might not have the boldness to carry out that action. Thus the importance of the 3rd house. Also look for damage to Mercury and Gemini sign wherever they may be placed in the horoscope.
  • Do pay attention if there was a no-moon Amavasya as this will affect the birth Moon. eg I know a chart with Amavasya birth where the mother died before his 7th birthday, his father remarried and he got a foster mother, who took care of him but there was no love.
  • An eclipse operating at the time of birth will affect both the Sun and the Moon.
  • Birth in Gandant Nakshatra always causes problems in childhood so check this factor.
  • Then there are typical combinations for Bal-arishtha the sufferings which a child goes through in the childhood.

Finally check out the Navamsha, 9th divisional chart, D9. This is the entire potential that you have with you. The birth chart is just the manifested physical portion of your personality. You have your list of planets connected to the parents as above, now check which navamsha they get allotted to. Just analyse the planets and the D9 signs relationship, this much is good enough for beginners.

If any of these above planets connected to the parents, get allotted to a worse Navamsha placement, it can be a parent who likes to psychologically torment the child. The reading of potential abuse from the navamsha has to match the D1, only then will the potential result be actually seen in life. Such a parent will abuse the child and enjoy it too.

  • eg birth chart has Moon in Capricorn in 6th house, he goes to scorpio navamsha, he has gone to a worse position as Moon in debilitated in scorpio.

If the D9 shows potential abuse but the D1 is not so bad, then the abuse will be only psychological (I have given this example in my evil fathers post).

  • eg debilitated Sun in Navamsha and he is exalted in 10th house in birth chart of the son. The father likes playing psychological games with son, outwardly cares for him, but there are severe internal issues.

And if the D1 shows abusive combinations but the D9 is better, the abuse will be only physical. The parents might brutally hit the child with the erroneous belief that they are disciplining him. They are not inherently abusive, they don’t like beating him but are clueless about how to discipline the kids. If such parents are counselled and are taught a bit about better parenting, they can change their behaviour towards their young child.

Mother devils, astrologically possible?

And finally in the child’s chart analyse his ascendant sign, the ascendant lord and their power to give results. If they are both strongly placed in birth chart/ Navamsha and capable of giving auspicious results, the child may suffer beatings or neglect but it will not affect his core personality. This one factor can make or break the situation. So if you see that despite the above factors being active in the child’s horoscope, if the ascendent lord/sign are powerful the child will eventually overcome the unhappy situation. In this case you might be more in the role of a listener as he unburdens himself and talks to you. Just listening to him with understanding will resolve a lot for him.

In astrology, one placement does not make a reading. And when you are making such a heavy judgement from the horoscopes there should be at least 2 adverse combinations operating in the birth chart and backed by at least 2 adverse combinations from the navamsha. You discussing someone’s relationship with their parents, it is always a touchy topic. The client may find it unbelievable that their current emotional problems are connected to their parents behaviour during their childhood. Be kind and try to counsel without being judgemental. Tiny hurts from the childhood can carry on to the adult life and can be very damaging. And if you are a parent or even a grandparent yourself with such combinations in your chart. If you have suffered yourself at the hands of your parents/ elders, do not pass on the hurt to your children. Play with your child or grandchild and do all the stuff you wanted your parents to do with you, with him. This will help you heal your inner child and reduce your unresolved karma. Resolve the hurt and let it end it within you.


Balancing karma from the ancestors

Sometimes I think we learn the deepest lessons through negative examples. You do not get the love of a mother, so the lesson is to understand how it feels like and learn. So that when you become a mother yourself, you decide that you cannot let your child feel that same ‘non-love’ as you did.

Can you rise above your personal bad experience and give better to others? This is the final test.

Balancing karma from the ancestors

I have seen several examples in my practice where children were ignored or bullied by their parents and there was no one who believed them. These children grew up with deep seated traumas. Accepting that parental neglect is the root of the present problem is very difficult. Especially in Indian society where we consider our parents divine. So here are a few ways..

  1. Let go emotionally. Take care of them as per your personal sense /conscience and do your duty as a child, maybe take them to a doctor etc. But forgive them (read this) and emotionally stop expecting love from them. They have failed in their duty as a mother/father, but you should not fail in your duty as a child in their old age. Else this cycle will continue in your next life too. Do that much for them as much as your conscience requires. Remember you are doing this so that you can set yourself free.
  2. Transfer your longing and emotions for a mother/father to your favourite deity/Universe or your higher Self. You are your own mother/father. Understand that you have taken birth because of your own wishes. These parents are for this one life time. You have been born so many times, you have had so many parents. You yourself are your own creator. Your actions/karma have given birth to you.
  3. Love yourself, you are the Ultimate yourself. But now go out and buy that icecream, the one your mom never brought for you, and as you eat it feel the satisfaction. Give yourself gifts, tiny indulgences which you wanted as a child. You might think you are an adult now what will you do with a pack of stickers? But holding those stickers in your hand will heal.
  4. If you know Reiki you can use the sequence, Hon sha zhe sho nen, cho ku re, dia ko mu, sei hi ki, dia ko mu, cho ku re, Hon sha zhe sho nen, to go back in time/space and love your self as a child. Use sei he ki strongly to love and relax your child self. Do this before you sleep for 21 days.
  5. If you do not know Reiki then just relax, think of your child self, visualise picking up that child, kissing it, telling it that its all ok and you love it. This may sound silly but it helps, on a very deep level. The simplest things work. Do this for 21 days.
  6. And finally enjoy your own child’s childhood with him. Do all those tiny things you wanted your mom/dad to do with you. And as your child laughs with joy, feel the happiness within you. You have aced your test! You are a good parent, your child loves you and you have broken the cycle of karma.

Balancing karma from the ancestors

You take birth in a family, as a ‘soul group’ to clear off the karma together. There is always some karma linked to the mother/father/ancestors. And we are all rebalancing continuously. When someone goes against his own conscience and commits crimes like abusing and torturing living beings, being intentionally cruel, stealing, cheating, lying, breaking up relationships, etc very high intensity ‘moral wrongs’, it lays very severe bindings on the soul. The Karma has been created by actions so deeply against the Dharm that he has suffer through a portion of the misery that he has inflicted on others and then only some can be repaid by mantra and other energy. These are called pitr dosha/problems due to ancestors. If you are going through a rough patch and you chance upon some ritual that makes sense to you, maybe it is time. Now to rebalance and for the finishing touch.

This is ‘Tarpan vidhi’, is done by the men, the oldest male in the family does this, not women. You repay the energy due to your ancestors using the mantras of the Tarpan. The most effective way of rebalancing pitr related karma. In doing so the mantras act upon your own astral self and set things right within you too. If you are a woman suffering in such a family, when your husband/father/brother/son does this Tarpan, the energy is transferred to you too. The best is to go to Brahmakapal, Badrinath, Uttarakhand, India and do a Tarpan Vidhi. There are several pandits there who specialise in this type of ritual. There are other places too in India which are well-known for this ritual, but the best is Brahmakapal, the river Sarasvati flows here very briefly before it vanishes as a undersurface flow. This can be done at any time during the year. If you cannot travel so far then you can contact your local pandit and perform it at the nearest place with flowing water or the seashore.

If this is also not possible and you are sure of the power of your thought and intention, you can do this brief ritual yourself during the Mahalaya Amavasya/no moon day (will be in Sept/Oct, both Sun and Moon in Virgo as per Vedic calendar).

  • For the man of the house, take a coconut, remove the husk so that it looks like this, a small tuft left at the place where it has its ‘eyes’. It should have water in it, shake it to check. Keep it in your altar/puja ghar, put some flowers, turmeric, vermillion etc on it, pray to your favourite deity and your higher self, request help. Intend sincerely, very strongly that karma gets balanced. Face south, hold it in your hands, pray to your ancestors and then dash the coconut on the ground so that it breaks. It requires strength and it has to break in one dash. Do not eat this, dispose it in some place, under some tree where no one will step on it or in the water .
  • Balancing karma from the ancestors
  • Then cook food, the woman of the house has to do this, one dish made of pumpkin, one kheer (rice/milk/sugar – dish), one-curd/rice and any other vegetarian items that you can cook with your hands. Lay these offerings on a banana leaf/or a clean dish with a cup of water in the open. Face south, pray to your ancestors and sprinkle some black sesame seeds on it. Request your ancestors to have this food/energy and then leave this Martya-lok/our dimension and go to their Pitra-lok. Intend disconnection, turn back, do not look at the dish and come inside your house.
  • Black ravens come to eat this food charged with these energies never other birds. If black ravens eat it your work is done.
  • (If there is any other ritual in your culture where you offer food/energy etc to your ancestors, perform that too.)

If you dream of your ancestors who have passed away, you recognise them from the photographs or they tell you their name in your dreams. Or you see black ravens around your house. It is a message from the ancestors. In this case, the easiest option is making a chapati or a ball of raw kneaded wheat dough mixed with jaggery and feeding this to a cow with your hands.

Now the other way, doing charity, both men and women can do this. I have written about this in my earlier posts. E.g. distribute sweets/fruits at an orphanage, stand in the background anonymously and observe the caretakers distributing the food to the children. Be compassionate, intend happiness for these children in hard circumstances, bless them with your heart and come away. Thus you will also heal.

And finally do some pujas, auspicious rituals, fire rituals, anything in which your entire family is involved. e.g the Bhagwat katha, Satyanarayan puja, Chandi Homa, Rudrabhishek, etc. These are positive energies and general pandits can do it easily. Do this in your house so that the energy from the mantras enters your house and cleans off the negativity.

Now how about some spiritual practice for yourself? At least 15 mins a day? You can recite the Gayatri mantra 108 times. Or do Dhyan. Or even self-reiki, or surround yourself with pran? I have written about so many tiny activities you can do, just do some practice regularly everyday. Give yourself these 15 mins so that you can heal yourself deeply.


Balancing karma from the ancestors

Mother devils, astrologically possible?

In our Sanatan dharma traditionally the parents are considered to be on par with the divine itself, Matrudevata and Pitrudevata. And they are! they give us birth, take care of us, love us then help us financially, enjoy our marriages and then help in taking care of their grandchildren too. Most parents are like this, some may even more dedicated and go through severe personal hardships to take care of their children.

But unfortunately as every thing has an other side, this “parent” thing also has its own black side. In my practice I have seen extraordinary parents who were so good, divine even, but I have seen such parents who were indifferent, actively disliked their children and some who were actually evil. Children of such parents grow up to be highly conflicted and complex personalities. Imagine how it would be like for a young child, where everyone around them says that parents are always good, and they know in their innocent minds that their parents are not like that. But because they are so young they feel it is their fault or something and then their mental trauma begins.

Mother devils, astrologically possible?

Astrologically the moon and the lord of the 4th house represent the mother. If either or both of these 2 grahas are placed in the 6th, 8th, 12th houses or under malefic aspects the love of the mother is denied.

  1. In the 6th, the mother may behave like a enemy and a cause of (psychological or physical) disease, debt and ruin.
  2. In the 8th, the mother may be physically violent, cause injury, she may actually die or live separately.
  3. In the 12th the mother will be absent, either physically dead or insane or indifferent.

Another possibility is the factors causing baal-arishta, sufferings of the childhood operating causing the mother/father to behave badly. And if the birth is in a Gandant Lunar mansion/ Nakshatra and the required astrological remedy for Gandant have not been performed.

If the mother is abusive to the child or even indifferent the child has emotional issues. Women as a group do not get along with him and neither does he get along with them. He will always have a mental block about receiving stuff. May be unable to accept kindness even. Outwardly a very strong and stable personality, but is crumbling inside emotionally. Can get depressive, addicted to alcohol etc easily. Cannot let down their guard or confide, have difficulty trusting. Cannot express their feelings because they do not understand what it is that they are feeling.

On a physical level, such a mother often comes with the following combinations. The house that the child lives in is not happy and is full of restricted suppressed energies. The vehicles, landed properties if owned become a source of irritation. Maternal side of the family, aunts and uncles can impose. The mother herself may be acutely or chronically ill, or working overtime, may be suppressed herself.

One of my clients had his moon in pisces in the 6th house and aspected by Saturn from the 12th house. He had a very committed hardworking professional mother who took care of everything around the house, helped other people too, outwardly the ideal mother. But there was not one drop of love in her interactions with her son, only a sense of duty. As per his horoscope around the age of 4yrs something so traumatic happened that he developed a personality split. It did not really affect his daily life so it was just that he was perceived to be a quiet boy who loved reading books. I met him when he was 38 years old. I drew his chart and also used some personal energy to look into his subconsciousness, where I felt that he was still a small child. His personal image of himself was also of a small boy wearing typical half-shorts and half-shirts. His mother then died and with that the restrictions on his emotional self started getting loose. He was also doing his sadhana very sincerely and within a month from her death somehow he realised that he had grown up, he was more hopeful. And now his personal image was that of a 16 year old young man. Not fully grown up yet but getting there. This man now understands the negative influence his mother has had on him, but by the grace of the Parameshwar, does not blame her after her death, rather is grateful to her for doing whatever she did as her duty.

Perspective, it all comes to that. And perspective comes only with maturity and empathy.

So now, check out your personal birth horoscope and the position of the moon and the lord of the 4th house. Try to critically analyze your relationship with your mom.

In the example above, the mother did not love because she herself was not loved by her mother, and was kept in a hostel away from her parents. But again that does not mean that her actions were justified. If she knew how it was to be not loved, she should have tried and learnt. That was her life lesson which she did not learn. She will be given the same set of circumstances in her next lives till she learns. But my client has learnt, he has a son himself and with his small boy he has tried to live his childhood again, trying to give him the love which he never received from his mother.

All the times, what a child really needs the most is being hugged and cuddled and being told by his parent that he is the most precious person in the universe. And remember children can see auras better so can always make out when a grown up is lying.

Just remember this, start working with energy only when you feel you have developed enough maturity and empathy to be able to view things dispassionately. We are not working with energy to settle scores, it is not a weapon against others.

The whole purpose of understanding all this is to disengage from the outer influences and to look inside our own selves. But you cannot disengage without first understanding them. So astrology teaches you to observe, understand and learn.

In my next post i will discuss negligent fathers.


Mother devils, astrologically possible?