In Vedic/Sanatan Dharm/Hinduism marriage is called Vivah and is a Sanskar. It means that this is compulsory for a man and a woman to undergo this Vivah-Sanskar and thus enter the Gruhast-ashram stage of life. There are 16 Sanskars in life.
- Vivah is a ‘force which is used to bear/carry’. It is not just a ‘marriage’.
- Sanskar is ‘accomplishment, refinement, culture, foundation, purification, formation, creation, making ready, creation of the mind/mental processes, education’ etc. Sanskar does not mean just a ‘ritual’.
There are 4 stages of the Vedic/Sanatan Dharm/Hindu life.
- Balya-ashram – The childhood phase where you are taken care of by your parents, family, neighbourhood and the society. During this period from the age of 6yrs you learn basic schooling and the foundations of your life’s philosophy from your teachers. After you cross 16yrs of age you start learning your business/profession from your peers and senior family members.
- Gruhasta-ashram – The married life where you are the active Karta/doer of the family. Vivah is the Sanskar which brings you into this phase of life. It is ideal to get married before or around 25yrs of age. Everyone has to get married and contribute to the society in different ways. Also produce children, teach them, as they are going to be a part of the society in a few years. All 4 aspects of life Dharma, Artha, Kaam and Moksh are linked to a successful gruhast phase. The only people exempt from this phase are those who take Sanyas and thus leave their Family and Society forever.
- Vanprastha-ashram – At around 51yrs of age is the gradual withdrawal from the society coupled with passing on the baton of Karta/doer-ship to your children. This phase starts with you ensuring your children’s Vivah Sanskar when they are around 25yrs of age.
- Sanyasa-ashram – At the age of about 76yrs you completely withdraw from the society and family concerns and concentrate only on your spiritual path and practice. Your children are also in their 45-50yrs of age on the verge of their Vanprasthashram age and your grandchildren are on the verge of becoming Gruhast themselves.
In Vedic/Sanatan Dharm/Hinduism, in all astrology texts from Parashar to Jaimini etc and all the the Indian systems of astrology Vedic, KP etc, refer to marriage as between a man and a woman. In a Vivah the husband and wife are called Dharmapati and Dharmapatni. These are again Sanskrit words so have several layers of meanings.
- Dharma – knowing, justice, virtue, right, religion, establishment law, practice, merit, steadfastness, observation, property, propriety, duty, ethics, use, to-become, good works, devotion, character, morality, arrangement, support etc. This in short is the foundation of your life, from the physical environments to the spiritual principles.
- Pati – Is the one who is – honor of, responsible to, going with, owner of, possessor of, protector of, ruler of, male spouse of – Dharma. He is always called Dharmapati.
- Patni – Is the one who is – female spouse of, owner of, mistress of, ruler of, protector of, being with – Dharma. She is always called Dharmapatni.
Vivah is the main phase of life which supports the other three, the young, the retired and the aged. The man and woman who marry each other are required not only to look after their personal family and their children but also protect the larger interests of the society. It is a very serious commitment as the witness of this Sanskar is the Sun/Agni/Internal Sun. There is no word for divorce in Sanskrit. And if you can see auras, then it is a delight to see the two auras interacting so deeply during the Vivah ceremony, the astral selves/Jeevatmas also accept this Sanskar. The two allow it because of their Intention and Will which are reinforced by the Mantras. Women are more suitable for micro-managing and men for marco-managing. Both the woman and the man are required to contribute to the family. And families contribute to the society.
Marriage is arranged between a man and a woman depending on several factors, social to astrological. The most important one is the gotra, a person can marry only into a family whose gotra is different from his/her father’s, mother’s, maternal grandmother’s and maternal great-grandmother’s gotra. This ensures healthy progeny in every way. The astrological basis of matching charts is detailed in this post here. Maybe readers from other Non-Vedic cultures may find this strange, but we follow these rules so as to maintain a happy and healthy husband-wife relationship, healthy children and positive contribution to the family and society. Marriage is just not a personal private affair, it has social, cultural and spiritual ramifications too. (It is especially important in the spiritual sense that unmarried men/women, or widowers/widows cannot do important pujas. Only Sanyasis and persons with a living husband/wife can perform them.)
If you get a chart for analysing the marriage prospects these are the few basic houses you should analyse, have written about this in details in my previous posts on analysing marriage. But briefly.
- The 7th house in the birth chart for the manifested real life. Also its owner planet.
- The 7th house from the birth moon for the emotions, stability, comfort and security expected from the marriage.
- The navamsha, divisional chart 9, D-9 for the sub-conscious expectations regarding marriage and the ‘mirror’ you expect in life.
- The 7th house and the placement of the 7th lord in this D-9.
- The placement of the 7th house sign and lord from D-1 seen in D-9.
- Jupiter and Venus in the charts, both D-1 and D-9 and from the birth moon sign
- Other details like Manglik or multiple spouses etc which I have mentioned earlier.
Ultimately why do we marry? If we think deeply, we are all looking for our mirror, the one who has the missing pieces of our life. Now just close your eyes and ask yourself what kind of a wife/husband you want? What do you feel about your desired spouse? Be true to yourself, know that only your own Conscience is judging you. This is your private feeling. And then read this following list.
- Sun – You want someone glorious, regal, rich and creative, with lots of money, fame and position. You want to marry a king or a popular cine-star.
- Moon – you will feel that you need emotional comfort, protection and comfort and shelter. Someone who will tuck you in bed sort of maternal support.
- Venus – you are attracted to the surface, beauty, looks and soft sensual pleasures. A very handsome/beautiful husband/wife who will give you undivided attention.
- Mars – you are interested in a physically strong, bold, competitive and the rougher more physical pleasures. You might like your spouse to go with you to drinking contests, to the stadium, or a hike or for jogging daily in the park.
- Mercury – you want someone rich, interesting, youthful and intelligent. You would love having long chats and read interesting books with your spouse. Your spouse is your best friend.
- Saturn – will make you focus on the social image, the necessity of marriage, you think of marriage as a a work you have to do. Even after getting the spouse you want you will be more engaged in the social aspects of the Vivah union.
- Jupiter – you want someone more mature than you, older perhaps, and who will take care of you in a more paternal expansive way. Someone who will teach you and guide you, help you make sense of this world and life.
- Rahu – someone like the stars, unattainable from your current situation in life. It will be a constant craving for someone much higher than you in terms of social mobility and privileges . ‘Everyone wants him/her so I want too, and I will do anything to get him/her.’
- Ketu – you are not really into marriage so much. If your family and society are after you, you might just drift into marriage without much sense of attachment. Or you might in a flash of extreme dissociation just take Sanyas and leave the society for ever.
Now look back into your childhood, all the memories you have buried in your sub-conscious. Did you feel your mother wasn’t around? Or your dad was not available? You had no brothers/siblings to play with in your house? You had no friends to play with in the neighbourhood? Didn’t get pocket money or were poor? Wanted to learn in school but were unable to understand your teacher? Was left out of popular activities? Felt that your family’s social status was a liability? You have felt that you are nothing yourself but felt that there is something bigger at the edge of your awareness? Do these deep feelings relate in any way with how you feel about your ideal partner?
These emotional unmet needs from your childhood are often caused by very subtle or one-off events. A random unkind word or act hit you with more force that it should have. Your astral self registered it. If your conscious self had noticed it you would have taken active steps to fulfil this need. But the impact on the astral can be so deep that you feel this part of you is lost and you search for it in your spouse, your mirror! Sometimes guided mediation helps in bringing out answers from your sub-conscious in a very gentle way.
Some of life’s events and questions are just so very deep. One can just hope that with time and experience we will find the answers and solutions. We need to understand that every relationship especially that of Vivah/’marriage’ brings us face to face with our deepest emotional unmet needs. And the sooner we understand, the better we can resolve it and move towards understanding our own self, our Real Self. Else everything is between ourselves and our conscience.
This post will be in 2 parts. Link to part 2 here.