We are always under so much pressure to conform, our parents, our teachers, our friends, the husband/wife, the children, the boss everyone has expectations from you. So you are the good little boy, a quiet student, the best buddy, the ideal man, the perfect worker, the best dad.. thats is a lot of work you have put in. But then in all this, who are you really? All these definitions are words stuck on you by others, thus hiding your own identity.
Another problem with others expectations is that, though you may feel overwhelmed but still you labour on because you are scared to hurt their feelings. Or in some self sadist way you think, “I will ruin my health doing work for him, then he will understand how much I have given up for him”. Else you feel that you are stronger and can afford to overwork yourself for those others. And the others keep on taking advantage of you.
Also it may be possible that the others may care about you really, but do not realise how tired you are working non stop. Just because you are so perfect at hiding yourself. You never speak out, never say that you are tired, just work like a robot. This is a problem then. You have to learn to speak up.
One of my clients is a woman, a PhD, a highly paid professional she works 6 days a week but also cooks food, takes care of her children and the parents. Is a dedicated wife and does her pujas etc too regularly. Even as a child she was an obedient child, good at studies and also arts/crafts. An ideal personality on the outside, but on the inside she was stressed out to the point of breaking but unable to express herself. Her horoscope analysis showed, ascendent libra, with saturn, mars, jupiter retrograde, mercury caizimi (within 1 degree of the sun) and true nodes in direct motion. Added to all this her ascendent venus was conjunct with ketu in the 5th house.
- Libra ascendent is a very typical person. Outwardly very balanced, likes beauty, polite, very good company, fair just etc but internally in a free fall and the back aches almost continually. They provide support to almost everyone they are in contact with, are extremely understanding and sensible. Thus when they are in need of support themselves, no one really believes them. Thus they do not get the support they desperately need so the physical support of the body, the back, aches.
- Retrograde planets, everyone has 1-2 planets retrograde, 3 is a bit rare but added to it the true node direct (they are usually retrograde) made for some very interesting observations.
- Saturn retrograde will make the person work and work and work, despite being very well off she was doing office and house work both.
- Retrograde Jupiter may make a person religious but will not give the results of the pujas, will be directionless spiritually or a follower of off-beat philosophies. Her pujas were certainly not being very fruitful.
- Mars retrograde is the saddest possible combination, as the expression of the will is nil, such a person cannot say “no”, is the silent worker without recognition.
- Mercury kaizmi, the powers of mercury were completely burnt out as it was less than 1degree from the sun. She could not communicate especially when talking about herself. Would develop a slight stammer and not find the words. It was painful to see someone like that.
- True nodes in direct motion. Her subconscious energies were of very high potential but blocked by heavy karmic factors.
- And the worst for the last, Venus ascendent with ketu. Internally disengaged from all relationships. Zero understanding of her own self and her emotional and physical hurts. Ketu is a “pretender” able to take up the personality the “other” wants. Anyone expecting something from her would get it. The Ketu would change her personality to suit what was being demanded of her. So she was superficially the ideal mother, student, wife etc but she was unaware of her own self. She had no “self identity”.
It was a long process of counselling her and her husband too and doing a series of mantras for ketu, mercury, sun and then finally saturn. She did deep healing with Vishnu Sahastranama and Srisukta. In this process she also learnt reiki and to do cards, Lenormand and Thoth. She was guided and helped but she did her self healing herself and used the tools given to her. And today at least she can speak up for herself and express what she feels and what she wants. She does a bit less housework and gives herself time. Her back aches less.
So speak up, express what ever is in your hearts. Do not wait till the emotional stress reaches such a point that the physical body starts getting damaged. If you are unaware of what you want, or cannot express it in words (it happens, I know) put this simple intention in the universe, “I will receive what I need to live my life health and happy on all levels”. Repeat this affirmation once a day for 21 days at least.
You have to take care of yourself first. Keep yourself mentally, emotionally and physically healthy so that you can move on and focus on to your spiritual health.